Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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