No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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