OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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