having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
