dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
