rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
