Where did you get a picture of my penis
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You don't make any sense
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