he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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