The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
