Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
