Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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