i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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