Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
