direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
