I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.