I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.