yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.