We named our party play list daddy issues
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?