i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.