it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING