Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize