my sisters under your porch take her home
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Houston, we have a squirter
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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