all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize