I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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