your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize