You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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