You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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