My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.