Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.