Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad http://tfl.nu/ewqq

Replies (44) Good night (662) Bad night (1800)
Favorite
(219): View more from Indiana

Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9

Replies (68) Good night (28412) Bad night (3518)
Favorite
(785): View more from Kansas

Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(785): Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets". http://tfl.nu/227d

Replies (16) Good night (1226) Bad night (4554)
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): ...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos http://tfl.nu/7o3l

Replies (58) Good night (1620) Bad night (2992)
Favorite
(405): View more from Oklahoma

New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.

(580): View more from Oklahoma

....this is what your political science major is getting you?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(405): New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot. (580): ....this is what your political science major is getting you? http://tfl.nu/c72s

Replies (8) Good night (2281) Bad night (694)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever. http://tfl.nu/25nu

Replies (6) Good night (1931) Bad night (524)
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot http://tfl.nu/1f93

Replies (3) Good night (1066) Bad night (514)
Favorite
(701): View more from North Dakota

You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.

(320): View more from Minnesota

No shame in my game.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(701): You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills. (320): No shame in my game. http://tfl.nu/4hn7

Replies (4) Good night (1309) Bad night (560)
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise http://tfl.nu/29uw

Replies (8) Good night (1023) Bad night (517)
Favorite
(815): View more from Illinois

It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles

(507): View more from Minnesota

We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(815): It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles (507): We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it. http://tfl.nu/cujh

Replies (2) Good night (665) Bad night (398)
Favorite
(289): View more from Ontario

"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(289): "you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly" http://tfl.nu/d33o

Replies (6) Good night (876) Bad night (385)
Favorite
(360): View more from Washington

That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.

(206): View more from Washington

You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(360): That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit. (206): You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety. http://tfl.nu/nmz2

Replies (0) Good night (751) Bad night (358)
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.

(941): View more from Florida

Oh at the liquor store again?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board. (941): Oh at the liquor store again? http://tfl.nu/01vl

Replies (0) Good night (694) Bad night (350)
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in.. http://tfl.nu/mgsn

Replies (0) Good night (414) Bad night (171)
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat http://tfl.nu/x333

Replies (3) Good night (363) Bad night (373)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard