She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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