The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
