Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize