drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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