i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
