1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
