Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize