Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
