I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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