I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize