I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
