her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
tell me about the eggs
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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