Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving