Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories