I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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