Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its not stalking. its research.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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