Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got inside last night via doggy door
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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