Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
