we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your cock deserves a montage
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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