dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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