I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter