Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.