Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.