i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE