what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.