hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
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He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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