My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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