i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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