I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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