he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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