you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
