sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize